On The Road To Wholeness, A Family Episode

In this heartfelt episode, Lola Dada-Olley and Tosan Olley reflect on their journey through autism advocacy, sharing insights from their experiences over the past five years. They discuss the universality of autism, the power of storytelling, and the importance of embracing wholeness while breaking generational cycles. The conversation highlights the intersections of race, disability, and neurodivergence, and sets the stage for their transition to a new podcast identity, 'Unapologetically Whole.'

Takeaways

• The podcast has been a platform for sharing our family's journey with autism.
• The universality of autism transcends geography and culture.
• Sharing our story has allowed others to feel seen and understood.
• The richness of humanity is reflected in the diverse stories shared on the podcast.
• Embracing wholeness means acknowledging both joy and pain in our lives.
• Breaking generational cycles is essential for healing and growth.
• The intersection of race and disability shapes unique experiences.
• The transition to 'Unapologetically Whole' signifies a new chapter in advocacy.
• Gratitude for the community that has supported our journey.
• The evolution of our understanding of success and thriving. 

Chapters

00:00 Reflecting on a Journey of Autism Advocacy
03:05 The Universality of Autism and Its Impact
06:03 The Power of Sharing Stories
08:56 Embracing Wholeness and Breaking Generational Cycles
11:54 The Intersection of Race, Disability, and Neurodivergence
14:58 Transitioning to Unapologetically Whole
18:00 Gratitude and Looking Forward

www.loladadaolley.com

Transcript

Lola: 0:01

Welcome to the Not Your Mama's Autism Podcast. A podcast about being unapologetically human through the eyes of neurodivergent people and the communities that support them. I'm Lola Dadahoff. This season, we've been picked up by the Alive Podcast Network, a platform dedicated to amplifying Black Voices. And in this season, we hope to deliver to you a rich mix of personal stories as well as awesome guest content in a way that we hope really resonates with you. So with that in mind, let's get started. Today is a special and bittersweet day on the Not Your Mama's Autism podcast. This is our last family episode under this name on this side of 2026. And I could not imagine sunsetting this chapter to Not Your Mama's Autism without bringing family members in. Our story has been, yes, about autism through this multi-generational lens, starting from my brother's diagnosis in 1989 to the present day. And it's certainly a story about autism and disability, and will very much remain so, but there's more of an evolution in order, a move towards wholeness, towards healing, towards breaking generational cycles. So today I'm joined by the hubs, Tosan, to reflect on this journey, to talk to talk to you about what the journey has meant thus far and where we're heading to next. So put on your thinking cap, memory cap, all of the caps, and looking back, what do you think has been the most surprising? We launched this podcast in 2020, about five years ago.

Tosan: 2:42

They were much shorter than us.

Lola: 2:44

They were much shorter than us, and now one of them, one of them has eclipsed me, and the other one's right on our way. So what do you think has been the most interesting, surprising, what have you, lesson that you've learned from sharing our family story publicly?

Tosan: 3:05

Uh uh A that it it it's the podcast has been five years. It's probably top of that list. Um, but on a serious note, the reach. Um I remember early when we were looking at um um you know the data that shows you know where the podcast was being viewed and what have you, and it had remembered in a number of countries, but it was like faraway places, like uh Mauritius was one or something. I'm like, wait, what? Australia was one. I'm like, who's listening to us in Australia? Like who listened to um you know this Nigerian woman in in Texas talking about multi-generational bosses all the way in Mauritius. Um, but it just shows uh the universality uh of the story. Um it shows that you know, autism, especially neurodivergence, uh high medical needs is not a respect of geography, it's not a respect of persons, race, color, religion, really and every other class that we try and use to uh distinguish ourselves, you know. It's just uh like you like to say, another way of being human. Um and that other form of humanity is all over the world. It's all over the world. Uh I remember some uh reach out you got from those faraway places, um, just saying, not asking for anything, just saying thank you. Um that through the podcast they feel seen, you know. I kinda I think it was the the person in Australia who said that, like I feel seen or something. Um so that that was a surprise, you know. Uh well surprise is a strong word. I'll say that was a a bit of uh because I had a feeling uh that the purpose for this was gonna be far reaching, and I probably did not think it would uh uh go past you know places that we have affinity to, the US, Nigeria, you know, maybe Ghana just because it's a neighbor, and that's it. Um so that's one. I I think the other thing uh was the unlocking that happen as a result of the obedient to the podcast. Not just in our community, you know, uh community of friends and chosen family that we walk alongside. A similar path has expanded uh our sphere of influence on not necessarily not teaching folks what to do, but just living in our lives. Uh what's the word you this this sentence you use? Um varnish but truth, I can't remember. I'm butchering it up. Um, but living our lives transparently uh and the sphere of influence that that has opened up has been a bit of a surprise. Uh again, just more a an indication that for a lot of folks in our community, it almost feels like there was some permission granted uh to act like you went to the store and bought the life that the Lord has presented to you. So that that range has been a bit of a surprise. Uh you know, a good surprise. You know, a very a very good surprise. And you know, the you know, the speaking engagements and everything else that followed from there. Um but those those the the first two or three things I said, I think we're the most you know me. I don't get surprised easily. Uh you know, I don't show it. You know, they were the most uh interesting. Yeah you know, interesting.

Lola: 7:57

So the universality of the message, you're right, even though we're this family that sits at this intersection of race and neurodivergence and disability and the immigrant experience and gender, when you take into account Alero and all this, it's we've literally had opportunities ranging from as a result of this. Um like you said, people reaching out from all over both the country and the world, the speaking engagements like ranging in diversity from like Washington, DC to like Colorado, like just almost coast to coast and just West Virginia, West Virginia, yes, yes, yes, yeah. Having yeah, read having people reach out to me with West Virginia roots and Utah and Colorado and Wisconsin and just all over. Um also realizing just a reminder, like to your point of Mauritius in Australia, and someone reached out to me in Canada, I remember, in year one or two, and she reached out and she goes, Oh my gosh, you're the American version of me. And sometimes when you think you're alone, particularly in your community, and then someone decides to actually share their story, and you realize, hmm, maybe I'm not so alone after all. And just the people we've been able to interview, oh my gosh, yeah, self-advocates, parent advocates, police officers, healthcare professionals, creators, creators, creatives, right? Yeah, creatives, creators, um just wow, just actors, actresses, former CEO of a Fortune 50 company. It's just what a range and what we sit with such gratitude because as we're taping this, it's only a couple days after Thanksgiving, and even if it wasn't just the level of gratitude and sitting down and sitting back and thinking through what just all that has taken place as a result to just put one foot in front of the other and decide to to do this podcast, the people we've met both on the pod, and as a result of us broadcasting this pod, has just been an amazing experience.

Tosan: 10:52

Yeah, and for me as a listener, um you always know um, you know, it's it's a bit cliche, you know, the fullness and the richness and diversity of humanity. Uh uh, and we always we know the cliche quote, you know, if you've met one person on the spectrum, you've met one person on the spectrum. But I think the range of uh going back to the the folks who you interviewed and some who actually reached out uh with sharing their story to, you know, how we you later interviewed them, the range of how they all have been uniquely impacted by you know your divergence, autism, disability, advocacy, whatever you know and and and on. Uh even in that very, very, very small stopset, the richness of the humanity uh from a listening perspective is a little bit awe-inspiring, maybe that's the word. Um, you know, like I I'm thinking of uh the the the conversation with uh and the CEO you referenced uh uh when he he was talking about his brother. Uh you know, coming from the what happened in the 1940s, 50s, or 60s, and probably aging him more than he actually is old. Uh you know, all the way to uh uh the interview with Miss Texas with her siblings, you know, who grew up similar you know more in the 90s and even on the very and of course with Colin in the middle of that and of course with the Leroy, even on the very uh different geographies and different timelines, obviously, there's a similar thread that you know goes through the stories, but it almost feels like it's a similar thread with very different what's the word I'm looking for through lines, through lines, you know, just kind of like branching out of one similar thread. It's it's it's fascinating. Uh it just reminds me of humanity is beautiful, it's complicated, it's it's rich, it's wide, it's deep.

Lola: 13:35

Yeah, you see the universality, you see the humanity, you also see the rich intersections and how they interplay as well. And you know, that back to that intersection of race and disability and neurodivergence, and how that plays out under different scenarios depending on the circumstance and what the consequences could look like. And speaking to nonprofit founders, that literally the existence of these nonprofits are in part simply due to those rich intersections. Like you know, both color of autism and dominique cares come to mind when I think of that and just how it ties nicely into wholeness, and so much of advocacy is making sure that other parts of community of society sees another person's wholeness, sees the fullness of their humanity, and that's why we're we're moving to this unapologetically whole, which is not only the rebranding of the podcast, but also the name of the upcoming my upcoming book. Yeah, launching June, June 2nd, 2026. June 2nd, mark it down, mark it down, mark it down. Uh soon, hopefully the book will be available for pre-order, so we'll keep you posted. But just what moments, what additional moments at this point, because we're already starting to go down memory lane here, but what moments stand out to you when our family grew stronger to together through this process?

Tosan: 15:45

I, for me, my early favorite easily, is the enthusiasm that I had jumping in um you know, in this recording. Uh card in well, I think it still owes me my producer credits. Uh making me an occasional producer. Yes.

Lola: 16:11

But that's an occasional producer, that's true.

Tosan: 16:15

That enthusiasm to jump into, especially during the time with COVID still, yeah, um, loose and rampant, uh, to jump into doing something with and something for money, you know, is that that's still you know warms the chambers of the heart. Um and even alero in her little uh uh contribution and her sign of you know uh her voice. Um so that that will always I don't think any moment will touch that. Um I think the other moments now that stand out where and you can hear this when you you listen to different episodes. You can almost tell the point where folks relax into the conversation and are very open about and transparent about their journey, their triumphs, their failings, their battles, struggles, you know, feeling about kind of everything at the same time. Uh I always, you know, religious again as a listener, almost listened for that there that person just um sat in a safety of the space which you created in the conversation, which I think uh what I think I know would be a foundational cornerstone of the the evolution to uh unapologetically hold. Uh because I think you create an environment where uh folks are able to understand that their story is their story and the complete the wholeness of their story is good as it is, uh and where there's no uh urge to try and add more or subtract from their story. Uh I think Lynn, by example, in the way which we have shared or you have shared our story, it's basically you know it is and it is is is good enough. Um so looking forward to hearing more of those moments in the next iteration where you know people sit in that safety and present to audiences what their wholeness, their version of wholeness is. Um I do I also love that it's not unapologetically complete. It's not apologetically whole, but whatever part we have crafted is whole and it is good.

Lola: 19:28

And I love how you said it's not yet complete, because I really do believe that wholeness, the road to whole, is a marathon. Absolutely, and your journey's not complete until God calls you home. That part, so it's a constant and wholeness looks one way at 8 36 p.m. on November 30th when we're taping this, and it will look another way, it will look another way. Another way on January first, twenty twenty six, perhaps. Yeah.

Tosan: 20:05

And it'll look a different way uh with a thirteen year old. And it'll look a different way with an eighteen year old. Yeah. And it will look a different way, you know, when we wake up on our knees spot. But it's being unapologetic about embracing.

Lola: 20:29

Yeah.

Tosan: 20:30

And whole and you get to define the it.

Lola: 20:33

Yes, and so and whole certainly does not mean perfect. It means exactly that. It means whole. It means learning to sit in the hurt, in the pain, as well as learning to sit in the joy. Because again, going back to breaking some of those generational cycles, it's sometimes sitting in joy can feel as hard as sitting in pain if you're not used to sitting in joy.

Tosan: 21:05

You might know a person.

Lola: 21:08

I might know a girl. I might know a woman. I might know a woman. I might know. So that's a little hint into the book. But it's very, very true. So that's the wholeness of it. It's breaking those cycles. It's learning to sit in all that is you, the good parts, the bad parts, and everything in between.

Tosan: 21:33

Absolutely. Absolutely. So it it's a good transition. It's a whole transition. It feels more like a natural evolution. That acknowledges all that has come before. Autism is going to always be a part of our lives. Advocacy will always be a part of our lives. And that intersection that we sit in will morph into different forms, but there will always be end to be to be determined. And the uh the goal is to embrace wholly whatever the end comes after the end. Over and over again. To choose it.

Lola: 22:43

Continuity, growth, a deeper sense of whole. As we close this chapter, we have one more episode after this before we transition fully into unapologetically whole. But as we close this chapter, I want to thank every listener who is walk with us. Not your mama's autism was born out of love, advocacy, and is it a real desire to tell the truth about family life through this particular lens. Now we step boldly into unapologetically whole, carrying forward those lessons while expanding into new conversations about faith, about healing, about recognizing the lane you're in, redefining what success can now look like, and reimagining what it means to thrive. Thank you for being part of this journey. So, son, here we are. It's actually hard to believe that we are sunsetting the Not Your Mama's Autism podcast, but it's more of a transition than a full complete ending. And when we started this podcast, how old were you? 2020. We're about to hit upon 2026. Wow, you are nine. Because you're gonna be 15 next month. You were nine. You're nine. And now you are into this teenage, this teenage lifestyle. Your sister's right behind you. And of course, for our listeners who this may be one of their first times interacting with us, what who you hear in the background is Allero. Alero, Chief Security Officer of Ollie Incorporated. So with that in mind, as we reflect on the episodes on this podcast, I mean, we've touched upon a lot in this season of the podcast. I mean, when I mean this season of the podcast, I should say this era of the podcast because it's soon going to evolve. But we've had self-advocates like you on the pod. We've had so many representations of the greater community from nonprofit founders to police officers to healthcare professionals to corporate inclusion through the years, as you used to put it when you were younger, with your dad being an occasional producer. I'd like to ask you a couple questions. Like looking back, you know, thinking about our evolution as a family, thinking about the evolution of this podcast. What's one thing you wish people understood better about us?

Fela: 25:58

I'd maybe just say that and I bet the podcast has shed a good light on this, but even though we may like have different like ways of doing things, we're we're also like equal, we're also like the same, you know. Like when you see like doing like stuff in like public or something, like if a winner's having an episode or something like that, like it may not be your normal, but it's our normal. So Yeah, I'd mainly just say like when you see that happening, like you gotta look at it from both sides.

Lola: 26:51

Yeah, perspective is so important, and expanding the way you see things, hopefully, it is one of the goals of hopefully getting most people who have had the chance to listen to this podcast to better understand us a little bit better. And that's just one more layer. So thank you, Fella. What's some we've had quite the year this year. We started off this year with attending a movie premiere that we were featured in, going on some wonderful family travel experiences. We still have one more to go next month, this year, and just collecting more family memories. I mean, you started high school, Alero started middle school, you got an award this year as you left eighth grade. You've had so many new transitions, starting new in band, and so many, you know, your extracurricular is kind of shifting as well, your focus shifting as well. So, with all that in mind, high schooler, what's something you're proud of about this year that you've done yourself?

Fela: 28:16

Proud of I guess just getting closer to God and just like handling these transitions because when I was going into middle school, I was honestly a bit scared because it's so different from my memory, but dying about spirit wasn't really as scared. I'm sure even though this is the sport I typically don't jump into, I still made a lot of fans pretty quickly.

Lola: 28:53

And we are really proud of you too. Because that's a big deal. It's hard to transition into something as major as high school, so I think you've done it with some serious grace, you've done it pretty well. So kudos to you. And you're welcome, baby. You're welcome. If you could teach the world a lesson about autism, neurodivergence, what would it be?

Fela: 29:25

I guess it's just like just because someone has like autism or like ADHD or something doesn't mean they're stupid. And it's like there's a lot of people like aren't stupid, like just because they made difference like intellectual capabilities than you do doesn't mean that they're like stupid or something. And like when you like see them in like public, like don't like to look down on them. Still remember that like they're human too, but they have feelings too. Those feelings too, they just can't express it while to you can't. In general, I'd say just intellectually disabled people aren't like dumb or stupid, but they're still people and they still have feelings that we should respect.

Lola: 30:39

Absolutely. Absolutely, son. Our family, for those who are just may just be tuning in to this podcast, our family has rich representation in the neurodivergent and disabled, intellectually disabled communities. And we represent the spectrum, and you hear some of that spectrum in the background with also Fela's sister, my 12-year-old daughter, Alero. Alero, say hi. And um this is us. We are unapologetically human, which ties really nicely into the next phase of our family's journey and why we want to rebrand the podcast. Autism advocacy will always be an important part of who we are, an integral part of who we are. But it's a part of who we are, and it's our family from my husband to me to what we hope to instill in our children. We've learned and continue to learn along the way how best to seek wholeness over perfection, and that's why we are moving into this realm of unapologetically whole with the rebrand of our podcast beginning January 2020. This is not a good time. It's a transition. Not your mama's autism has been our family story told with rich honesty and love. So as we move forward, we invite you to come to this next chapter. It's about thriving, everybody. Thank you for walking with us. Unapologetically. Thank you for walking with us through not your mama's autism. Now let's keep on walking into Unapologetically whole. We have one more episode after this one. A wonderful conversation with Lisa Hurley, author and self-advocate. See you soon. As always, thank you for listening to the Not Your Mama's Optimism Podcast on the Alive Podcast Network. If you like what you hear, please share and subscribe. Give us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts or any other podcast that you want to maybe be listening to. If you're interested in how this podcast came to be, please check out season one of this podcast in its entirety. If you would like to follow us on social media, check us out on Instagram or Facebook at @notyourmamasautism. If you're interested in looking for a speaking engagement for your organization, or check out loladadaolley.com.

(Younger) Fela: 34:31

My dad and sister also c ontributes sometimes. Big thanks to Anna Lee Ackerman for her audio and video editing support. Until the next time everyone, see you soon.